Losing A Lifeline
by Radiorox
Summary: Sometimes you need to say what you feel before it's too late. – Harm/Mac story. Romance/Angst - COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Title: Losing A Lifeline

Author: Jackie  
Summary: Sometimes you need to say what you feel before it's too late. – Harm/Mac story. Romance/Angst  
Spoilers – Anything up to Hail and Farewell

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer – Newp, don't own em.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
Digging through my hard drive and have found A LOT of stories never posted here. I had my own site way back when and would put the Angsty stuff over there. This one looks to be written in 2004. Mistakes are my own. At the start Harm and Mac are not in a good place.

PART 1

"You're an idiot!" Lt. Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie yelled at Commander Harmon "Harm" Rabb Jr. as she stepped out of his SUV. With a slam of the passenger side door, Mac headed away from the vehicle and towards the BEQ at Norfolk. She was tired of talking to the stubborn sailor that she called her best friend. And before she inflicted bodily harm, Mac decided to just walk away.

Harm slammed his fist into the steering wheel and gritted his teeth. What happened to his promise of taking care of her when she found out she was sick? Of helping her while she mourned over losing her boyfriend? Well, that went all out of the window within the recent week. At the moment, he didn't care what the hell happened to Mac or if he ever saw her again. After arming the alarm of his SUV, he took a few quick steps to catch up to her. "And you, MacKenzie are being a complete PAIN."

Mac spun around and jabbed him on the chest. "Commander, *I* am not the one who can not keep their mouth shut!" Oh, yea, she was pissed at him. But, with good reason. Mac had pulled a 'Harmon Rabb' in court, she'd pulled a rabbit out of her hat and obliterated Harm's prosecution. She was happy about that and had a right to be, he was a difficult opponent. However, earlier that week, Harm had suffered a loss. His ward, Mattie Grace, was back to living with her father. Though Harm would still see his surrogate daughter, it wouldn't be the same and that hurt him. It broke him and, like usual, he kept it all bottled up until it ate him alive.

"Mac, I haven't had a good week, okay? You pushed my buttons, I retaliated." He yelled, bringing his arms across his chest.

Mac just glared at him, if that was an apology, he sure as hell had to work on it. "Pushed your buttons? I out lawyered you! What the hell happened to that whole not taking work personal?"

"It got kicked to the curb when you . . . well you sandbagged me in court!"

Mac's glare broke and she just chuckled. "Sandbagged you? Harm, use something more original." She turned on her heels and started heading back towards the BEQ. "Let's just get this over with."

Catching up to her again, Harm grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Aren't you going to ask what is going on?"

"If it was important, you've told me." She was tired of pushing the subject. During the ride to Norfolk, she tired and he chewed her out. But, he didn't stop there, for the past 30 mins of the drive, he kept at it, irritating her beyond belief.

Harm sighed, she was right about that. He'd also broken that promise to himself to be more open with Mac. "Mattie left. . .she's living with her father."

Mac was sorry about that, she knew how much he felt for the teenager, but it was inevitable. "Harm, you had to know that was going to happen."

"It still hurts." He offered with a sad look that reached his eyes.

"You should have prepared yourself better. . . Now, c'mon let's get this over with so we can get back home before dusk." She didn't mean to sound dismissive, in fact, it was a topic she would bring back up again when they drove back home. Or so she thought.

Harm remained rooted in place, he couldn't believe she'd say something like that to him. Didn't she understand how much Mattie meant to him? "Is that all you are going to say?"

"Harm, right now isn't the time for this. . . We'll talk about it, I promise but not now." But, he didn't move, just stood staring at her in disbelief. "Harm?" Mac reached out and touched his arm that was when he came alive.

Throwing his hands up in the air, Harm blew past her. "It always has to be when YOU want doesn't it, Colonel?"

"Harm don't blow this out of proportion." Speeding her pace, she tried hard to match it with his long strides but was still having to double time her steps.

"You know how you feel every time Chloe comes and goes? Get that and multiply it by a million, that is how I feel." He growled, though he couldn't figure out why he wasn't just used to it? He lost Jym, Diane, Jordan, his father, losing Mattie should have fallen into the list. He should be used to it by now. But, if anything, it tore at him just a bit more.

"I know how you feel. . ." Sighing, she reached out and stopped Harm, then turned to look at him. "YOU KNEW this was going to happen, did you expect the judge to just grant you custody because of your smile?"

"What?"

Mac pleaded her case. "You're a single father and for that matter you are not her real father. . . he screwed up, he fixed his life and should have a right to re-gain his daughters trust."

But, Harm wouldn't hear that part. Though he was doing the noble thing, helping out a little girl to fix her life, it still felt like something was taken from him. He still felt like he was better than Tom Johnson and that, in his eyes, had to count for something. "And me? I just get kicked to the curb because some drunk decided to rehabilitate? Would you have gone back to daddy if he fixed himself up." He cringed visibly. What was it about them that would turn their arguments that would turn into petty and spiteful?

Mac looked down. How many times would he have to bring up the rehabilitated drunk line? Sure, he meant Tom Johnson, but part of her knew he was talking about her as well. "Don't make this about me. . . It isn't. . . Tom Johnson ISN'T Joe MacKenzie. . . Tom changed for HER. . . My father never did until it was too late. . . it isn't too late for Mattie and Tom, so stop playing the martyr, Harm because the world doesn't revolve around you."

And that was the end of the conversation. Mac made a decision not to touch it anymore. Not during the rest of the investigation, not during the ride back to DC, not ever. For the moment, she was done talking to Harmon Rabb. "Move it, Commander, I would like to speak to Petty Officer Daniels in this century." She yelled in a commanding voice, springing Harm into action. . .

PART 2

Petty Officer Jimmy Daniels had a new lease on life, at least, until two JAG officers named MacKenzie and Rabb came into his life. He was in his early 20s with a chip on his shoulder and a list of offenses that brought him into the Navy. 'Shape up or ship out' is what the judge in his civilian hearing (the judge being a former Navy man himself), had told him. He had a choice, the big house for 10 years or the Navy. So, Daniels chose the Navy, he knew that the moment he went behind bars, he'd be killed.

So, he lay low for a few years, using the Navy for its advantages. There were several when you were a crook. There was always ways to dupe the foolish sailors and Jimmy always got away with it. That was until an Ensign Marjorie Angler jumped aboard his ship and drove him, literally crazy. He wanted her so much that he killed her. Jimmy thought that he had done well tossing her body overboard, but that was until they docked at Norfolk and the inquires began, brining aboard the forces of nature called MacKenzie and Rabb. The woman, a Marine, was good looking, he thought. And so much his type with her dark skin and expressive eyes. He grinned at her, used a soft voice when he spoke, offered a chair. The Navy boy, he ignored. No, he didn't want to talk with Rabb. It was MacKenzie that caught his fancy. So he played the role of a caring friend that was concerned over Marjorie's "suicidal tendencies." He grinned when they took it all in and believed him. Even when they said he was one of the last persons seen with her, he denied accusations of foul play.

But, today the guards on the base were on high alert. If anything, they were watching him much more. . . closely. He knew what was to come, he knew the JAG officers would ask more questions and then place him under arrest. So he'd surprise them, he'd surprise them all. Everything was going down that afternoon.

Mac knocked on the door and smiled when Jimmy opened up. "Petty Officer Daniels, remember us? Lt. Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb?"

Jimmy nodded expectantly and stepped back to allow them in. He drank in Mac and the way the uniform fit her. Too bad. Oh so sad. "Yes, of course. . . Still investigating Mar's suicide?"

Harm walked in after Mac, his eyes shooting the Petty Officer daggers over the way he was gawking at Mac. "Alleged suicide." He offered, walking towards the small kitchen table, where the three sat down.

"We have a different take on the situation, Petty Officer." Mac said. She looked at him, maintain her expression neutral. And it was irritating Jimmy that he couldn't read her.

He smiled, sat back in his chair and places his hands behind his head. "Call me Jimmy."

But, it didn't amuse Mac, if anything, it infuriated her more. "Petty Officer Daniels. . ." She began, her voice sounding irritated. "You murdered Ensign Angler because she would not sleep with you." She accused with a hard, drill instructor type of voice that even made Harm shutter. "Didn't you?"

Jimmy just shrugged and grinned. He really did like the Colonel. "So what if I did?"

Harm sprang into action, grabbing the Petty Officer and slamming him against the wall. "Cut the cute act, Petty Officer. . . We know you did it."

Mac stood behind her partner. She was never into the whole macho game that men played, but at the moment it wasn't a pissing contest, but rather a murderer that was not going to get away.

Jimmy did his best to try and release Harm's grasp, but it wasn't working. The Commander was much too strong for him. So, he figured, it was time to employ his last resort. Somehow, he managed to fish a small detonator out of his pocket. The moment the object was seen by both JAG officers, Harm let him go and backed off slightly. "Know what this is?" He shook the device in his hand and grinned. "I suggest you two back off, walk away and clear me of any wrong doing. . . If you don't. . . there will be a big bang."

"Jimmy. . . put it down." Mac cooed, trying to attracted the Petty Officer enough for Harm to grab the device. "Look, we'll tell them that you didn't do it. . . We'll blame it on your bunk mate, Petty Officer Stevens. . .Just give the Commander the device."

Jimmy looked at Harm and shook his head. "No. . . YOU have to take it from me."

"Alright." She agreed, keeping her eyes on Jimmy.

Harm turned to her and stuck his arm out, cutting off her forward movement. "No, Mac."

Mac didn't take her eyes off of Jimmy. She just watched him, trying to seduce him into giving her the detonator. "It's alright Commander, Jimmy's gonna give it to me."

Jimmy watched Mac. He was mesmerized by her but with each step she took closer to him, he felt the compelling need to set her free as he did Marjorie. Women as beautiful as them didn't deserve the trials and tribulations of this world. Women as beautiful as them didn't belong in the military and it's war zones. He had to set her free.

Before Mac had even the slightest chance of nudging the detonator away from Jimmy, his thumb came down on a big red button. In the distance, explosions were heard. Explosions that, like a domino effect, were coming closer and closer and closer until it was there.

"Mac!"  
"Harm!"  
They screamed in unison as the building came down on them. Harm tried to reach for Mac, but it was too late, the wall from the floor above came down between them. The building rattled and shook as the force of the explosion brought everything down like a house of cards. Sounds of bending metal and breaking concrete resonated in the area. The sound deafening and frightening. And just when everything was supposed to be over, another explosion sounded, this one in close vicinity and then, there was dust and silence.


	2. Chapter 2

PART 3

When Harm woke up his head was pounding, his eyes were burning. He reached up and touched his face, feeling the sting of several little cuts. Moving both his legs and arms, he found that nothing was broken. He was fine, a little worse for wear and with a monster headache, but he was fine. Searching his pockets, he found his car keys to which he always had attached a small Maglite on the keychain. Turning it on, he looked around. As luck would have it, he was stuck in an area just long enough to fit his body. Unfortunately for him, he could barely sit up, for the ceiling was right above him. But where was Mac? Oh, God. Mac?

"Mac." He called out, coughing as he tried get out the dust he had inhaled that was now stuck in his throat. "MAC." He said louder, but received no response. She couldn't be dead could she? No! Faithfully, he waited a bit longer, assuming that she was unconscious like he was. It was, after a short time later, that he heard coughing coming from the other side of a wall that was now in what was left of Jimmy's dining room.

"H-Harm?" Mac's voice, raspy and strained called out, before she started her own fits of coughing followed by an audible, "OWW!"

Harm sat up straighter. "I'm here, you okay?"

"No." Was her definitive answer.

He cringed when he heard her voice. It wasn't scared, it wasn't humorous it was just serious and he knew something was wrong. "No?" He couldn't bare ask what was going on in her side of their prison, because he didn't want to hear the devastating news that something was seriously wrong.

Mac grunted, struggled, but it was no use. A coughing fit began again and she winced against the pain it brought her. "Something's on my legs. . ." she began with another grunt. From Harm's side it sounded like she was trying to remove whatever had her pinned. "I can feel them, but I can't move them. . ."

"Anything broken?" Harm bit his lower lip, it couldn't get worse than that, could it?

"No." With that he heard her gasp and change her answer. "Yes." Mac tried to sit up, but the moment she did, she felt what had to be ribs snapping. The pain made her shake all over and it wasn't until then that she realized that there was some sort of rusty metal object impaling her side.

"Mac?" Harm grew more concerned with each new sound he heard from the other side. Desperately, he tried to move concrete to get to her, but only resulted in more of the ceiling coming down. "Shit! I can't move anything over here, the rest of this place will just come down on us."

"It's okay." Her voice, small and fragile said to him.

Harm swallowed hard. "How are you doing over there?"

"Fine." The same voice answered and then he heard her say, "Oh God." Followed by the unmistakable sound of her vomiting.

"What? What is it?" He became nervous again. What was going on her side? What wasn't she telling him? "Mac?"

Mac cleaned her mouth as best she could on the side of her jacket. There, just a few feet away from her was a dead Petty Officer Daniels. "Daniels is dead. . .his arm. . . Oh God, Harm, his arm was severed right off."

Harm cringed at the metal image, wishing it was him with Daniels not Mac. "Don't look over there Mac. . . Just look somewhere else." He didn't want to imagine what it was like for her. Where he was also trapped, he wasn't pinned down by something, he wasn't with a dead body.

Out of the corner of her eye and down ward, Mac saw a little flash of light. One that would light up a hole big enough for her hand to pass through. Ever so often, the light would vanish and then return. When she saw it on more time, she reached out and slipped her hand through the hole. She almost laughed when she heard Harm gasp.

"Damnit, you scared me Mac!" He pointed the flash light's beam to her hand and then smiled. Slowly, he reached out and put his hand in hers, smiling again when she squeezed tightly. "We'll make it out of here."

Mac smiled and tightened her hold on his hand. At least it was something. It was a way for her to physically feel him close to her. She needed that now. She needed that lifeline. "I know we will."

Harm nodded as he threaded his fingers with hers. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand. Mac couldn't understand why, but she felt safer that way. With him she always felt safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Since someone asked - yes this story is complete and has been since 2004, heh! It was posted on a Yahoo! Group years ago. I honestly, forgot about it as I have repressed some of my JAG related things. I am posting them a bit slow because I have to edit some of it. The files are a little wonky and if I just copy/paste the formatting is all over the place. Thank you Witchy V for doing the beta for this bad boy so many years ago.

Not impressed with some of my writing back then but, I figure why should they collect dust on my drive? I do work super long hours, train for running races and have a life outside of the Internet so stories that I am currently writing will be posted as time allows. My goal is to not leave one unfinished.

With that said, on with the show:

PART 4

An hour went by and the dynamic duo was still stuck under rubble. "The sun will set in about an hour and forty minutes." Mac said with a sigh. She didn't want them to be left there after dark. There was a small amount of light peeking through the ruble, enough for them to see their surroundings now that their eyes were accustomed to it. Harm's hand was still in hers. His eyes would occasionally travel from the rubble to her hand and the up to the 'heavens' where he continued to say silent prayers.

At one point, Mac suggested that they pray together. "I don't remember how to." He confessed in a hushed voice that sounded more ashamed than anything else. "I prayed for so long with all of my heart and soul, he never listened. . . and Dad never came home. . . so I stopped praying and believing." Harm nearly cried at the admission, but she stayed strong then for him. Mac held his hand tighter as she started a prayer and helped him through the parts he didn't remember.

Then, almost like magic, a voice came from above. "Anybody down there?"

"Harm did you hear that?" Mac said, stopping her prayer abruptly as she felt Harm's hand leg go of hers.

He moved as much as he could and yelled upward. "Down here, Commander Harmon Rabb and Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. . . We were on the third floor when this came tumbling down."

From above the sounds of rubble being moved made them both breathe a sigh of relief. At least people were now looking for them. At least someone knew they were alive. "This is Corporal Martins, sir. . . Are there any injured down there?"

Harm got up as close to the ceiling as possible. "Yes, the Colonel might have some broken ribs. . . There's also a dead body in here."

From her side, Mac looked over to Jimmy's body and cringed, she closed her eyes to stop the wave of nausea and just focused her attention on Harm.

"Can you tell us what happened, Commander?" The voice was a bit louder this time.

"Petty Officer Jimmy Daniels. . . He blew up the building." Harm yelled upward.

The Corporal turned over to the other men in his team and nodded. "It WAS a bomb." He then turned his attention back to the rubble. "Hang tight, sir, we're going to get you out of there."

"Corporal! We found another live one." Came a voice from another side of the large rubble. Several men ran to the area and pulled out one of the residents from the BEQ. Luckily for them, not too many people were in the building at that time. Most were able to be saved.

Mac took a ragged breath and let it out slowly. The pain on her side wasn't getting any better and from the pool of blood that was forming around her, she knew that she didn't have too much time left. 'At least they'll get Harm out.' She smiled at that thought, which warmed her. She didn't mind dying as long as he was okay. But there were certain things that needed to be said, things that had to come out if that was her fate. He needed to know. "Harm. . . If I don't make it."

"Don't. . . Don't say that, Please." Harm cut her off. They were going to be rescued, there was a team just above their heads moving debris in order to find them. They were Batman and Robin, they had to make it.

"I have to. . ." Mac insisted. She wasn't going to let him stop her now, not when she was determined to get it out. So she ignored his plead and continued with a smile.

"Sarah, please." He begged her, not surprised at how his voice sounded.

Whatever she was planning on saying was deterred for a moment. The way he said her name was so sweet and tender. Harm gave feeling to her name. She recalled that night in Sydney when he'd called her 'Sarah.' "I've always loved the way you say my name. . . sounds so right coming from you. . . Why don't you call me that more often?"

Harm grinned. Mac and Sarah weren't two different people to him, they were what made up the woman he was in love with. "Because one time you chewed me out."

"When?" Mac furled her brow. One thing was for sure, she wouldn't ever tire of hearing him say her name. And she was sure that she never chewed him out about him calling her Sarah.

"When we first went flying in 'Sarah.'" He pointed out with a chuckle. "Remember? I told the plane to pull up and. . .well once we landed. . ." He didn't need to finish the story, because she also started chuckling at the memory. Or, at least she tried to chuckle, but the movement caused pain to her already sore side.

Mac caught her breath. "I'm sorry. . ."

"Don't be sorry, Marine. . . Just hang in there." Seeking out her hand again, Harm entwined their fingers together. He began rubbing the back of her hand again, reveling in the way that their hands fit. It was the things like that which he noticed about Mac. Like the times that they'd hugged, she seemed to fit so well in his arms. Their kisses. . .

"I need you to know something. . ." She interrupted his thoughts, still insistent on whatever it was that he NEEDED to know.

"Mac. . . Sarah, don't. . .not now." He pleaded. Harm didn't want them to share intimate conversations just because they were going through a near death experience. Things that were shared in moments like that were usually discarded and he didn't want that. Especially not with the intensity that she seemed to be wanting that conversation.

"I have to. . . Just please, listen. . ." Mac didn't get another argument from him. She took his silence as him backing down from fighting her, for which she was grateful. Mac didn't have a speech planned so she spoke from the heart. "First, thank you. . . for being my friend, for being in my life, for saving my life, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. . ."

"Harm. . ." Mac's warning tone hushed him before he had anything else to say. She smiled at his respect. "Second, forgive me, for hurting you, for deceiving you. . "

Harm raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Deceiving me?"

"Clay and I. . . we only really started getting serious after Sadik reappeared. . . before that. . . I was just scared of spending time alone with you. . ." Mac hated that she could label her problems and only notice it now, when it didn't really matter. Why didn't she see things back then? Why did she have to break two men's hearts in order for her to figure out who her heart belonged to? "I didn't want to get sucked back into letting my feelings for you cloud my judgment. . ." Sighing, she shook her head at another thing, that ran a bit deeper and hit closer to home that she'd ever let him believe, until now. "I am sorry for arguing with you about Mattie, truth is. . . I am a bit jealous."

"Of a teenager?" Harm never thought of it that way. He'd made a comment once of her fearing that he was losing interest in her, but he never thought that jealousy over a child had plagued Mac.

"Of the situation. . . I wish had someone like you when I was her age. . . so many things" Holding her side, Mac coughed as some dust came down on the both of them. She looked up expectantly, but the rubble was still there, she was still pinned down. "So. . . many things would have been different. . . I wouldn't have been. . . so damaged."

Harm cringed when he heard her cough and then gasp at the pain. His heart broke when he found out what she thought of herself. Damaged? No, she wasn't damaged. She had faults, like everyone in this world, but she wasn't damaged. Not to him. Never to him. "Oh, Sarah. . . you aren't damaged. . . don't say that about yourself."

"We both are Harm. . . though we want to move forward, neither you and I can hide from the ghosts of the past, and that is fine. . . but it can kill us. . . Inside, it destroys your soul." She wasn't aware of the tears until she felt one slip past her cheek. It hurt her to think that she felt so empty inside because of things she couldn't control.

"I know. . ." Harm knew she was right, because it was those ghosts that prevented him from doing something in the past with Mac. He was so scared of going to her because she looked like Diane to notice that he was pushing her away from him. Then there was the ghost of his father. Had he really blocked himself off from loving anyone because he feared he'd lose them too? The answer to that was, yes. He waited in silence for her to continue, but she didn't. If he wasn't worried about her enough as it was, the silence rocked him to the core. "Mac?" He squeezed her hand a few times and was happy to hear her respond.

"Still here. . ." She said in a hushed voice. It sounded like she was far away.

Running his finger over the back of her had again, he noticed how cold her hand had become, but couldn't figure when that happened. "Your hand is cold. . ."

"I'm fine."

But, Harm wasn't too convinced about that. "Don't lie to me, Mac."

She smiled, sometimes Harm was like a dog with a bone. "Okay, I am freezing."

Harm held his breath for a moment and said yet another silent prayer. "Are you losing blood?" No, it couldn't be worse. God, please don't let it be worse.

"Oh yea." She tried to keep it humorous but it wasn't working.

Harm started to panic. "How much have you lost?"

"Enough. . . Are you still holding my hand?" She looked through the gap where her hand was and tried to feel him, but she couldn't. Part of her wanted to scream, but she wouldn't let herself break apart. She needed to stay calm for him, for them. For whatever time they had left together.

Harm looked down to where their hands were entwined, he squeezed hard and felt a tremor of fear when she didn't protest. "You can't feel that?"

"No. . ." Taking a deep breath she continued. There wasn't any reason to hold back anymore. "Some piece of metal impaled my side. . .I've . . I've lost a lot blood."

Not releasing her hand, Harm sat as straight as possible and took a deep breath before yelling. "CORPORAL, I NEED YOU TO HURRY!"

"We're moving as fast as we can Commander!" He heard a voice yell back. "Try to hold on."

Harm sighed and brought all of his attention back to the person on the other side of the wall. Slowly, he brought his other hand up and laid it on the concrete wall separating them. He felt a lump at the back of his throat and nearly choked when he called her name. "Mac?" But, she didn't answer and he felt another tremor of fear. "Mac?"

Opening her eyes, Mac looked towards the wall and let out a breath. "Sorry. . . dozed off a bit."

"Don't do that." He admonished, letting out his own breath that he was holding.

"Can't help it." Mac rasped. Sniffling, she looked at the wall again. He had to know what he was up against, she needed to prepare him. They were both fighters, they were both supposed to be strong. But even the strongest fighters knew when their time was up and hers was coming quickly. "I am not going to make it."

"Don't say that, Sarah. . . You are fighter, a Marine so FIGHT damnit. . ." Harm's voice took on a tone harsher that it should have, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't going to have her die, not today, no like that.

"Harm. . . I can't anymore. . . I'm sorry."

"Damnit. . . DAMNIT. . . You can't die. . . You can not die." One hand was still in hers, the other was pressed up against the wall between them. Suddenly, Superman didn't feel so super any more. How could it be that he was right next to her, but he couldn't do a damned thing? Desperately he looked around again, trying to find a way to get to her. To hold her and let her know he'd be by her side. That he cared for her more than he could say. . .

"I didn't finish telling you what. . . I was gonna say." Mac had unfinished business, things that he needed to know. "Harm?" She could hear him try to fight his tears. He sniffled a few times.

"Right here." He squeezed her hand again, more for his reassurance than for hers. He believed that somehow his energy would transfer to her. That he would keep her alive on willpower alone. Harm swallowed once again, trying to wash down that damned lump in his throat, but it wasn't going anywhere. It was all he could do before he broke down.

"I've wanted to tell you this for so long, I just. . . couldn't find the words so I'll keep it simple. . ." Mac took a breath as deep as she could and held it for a moment despite the pain. It was now or never. This time neither of them could run away. . . "I love you. . . I've been in love with you for so long that I don't remember when I fell."

Harm closed his eyes, but the tears that had been threatening to spill finally did. He wanted to slam his fist into the wall, to break it apart with his hands. If Jimmy were still alive, he would rip him to shreds for this. 'No, it wasn't supposed to be this way. . .'

"Harm?" Mac was concerned that she'd said too much. "Harm, talk to me. . . Please."

His throat was burning, his heart was aching. Harm could have sworn that his heart was officially broken and never to be mended again. "It wasn't supposed to be like this, Sarah. . . I was supposed to have some more time. . . For me to straighten up after Mattie left, for you to be okay. . . I wanted to give you time to grieve and heal. . . This isn't fair, Mac. . . It wasn't supposed to be like this. ." He cursed the heavens, and the being that seemed to throw death at his door.

"I know. . ." Mac occasionally let her mind drift into fairytale land when it came down to things about her and Harm. Think about it? They met in a rose garden, saved each other's lives, came to each other no matter what. And still they couldn't get it right. It took an explosion and tons of debris to get them to admit something.

Harm took a ragged breath. He had his own fairytales about her. His own plans of how it should be when they were ready to move together. Now the dreams were coming to an end. "I. . . I imagined myself trying to romance you. . ." He laughed through the tears when he heard her snort in protest. " I know you guys don't see me as a romantic, and normally I'd agree. . .but, I wanted it to be special for you. . . for us." His hand pressed harder into the concrete as he closed his eyes and imagined for the millionth time what it would be like with her. ". . . I wanted to take you to dinner, a fancy place so that I could see you in one of those dresses that makes you look that much more beautiful. . ." She sighed at that and he just smiled. "Although, doesn't matter what you are wearing, you still are beautiful. . . even in those drab Marine greens."

Mac chuckled and then groaned from the sharp pain on her side. "Don't make me laugh."

Harm took a breath and let it out quickly. If she had things to say, so did he. Hopefully what he had to say would make her want to live, to fight for something they both needed. "I wanted a walk along the reflecting pool, you wearing my jacket because you were cold. . . I wanted to take you to the wall, introduce you properly to my dad. . . tell him that I was bringing him the woman I love. . ." Harm stopped for a moment when he heard her sniffling. She was crying, he knew that she was and only hoped it was tears of happiness and nothing else. "I. . .I wanted to spend that night making love with you and then waking up the next morning just to make love again. I wanted to lay with you all night and wake up with you in the morning. . ." He'd spent so many nights cuddled up with his pillow pretending it was her. Imagining her scent on his sheets, his clothing. "I. . .I just wanted you, Mac." Harm took a deep steadying breath. "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie. . . So you have to hold on. . ." He commanded. "You have to hold on because I love you and I refuse to live in this world without you."

He figured that she would respond in kind or at least reassure him that she wasn't going to let go. It didn't happen, so he called to her softly. "Sarah? . ." Again, there was no response. "Mac? . . . Mac!" Clutching her hand tighter, he tugged a bit, hoping the jerking motion would get her to respond. "Mac please . . . Please wake up, Marine."

As if by magic, the concrete above him lifted up. Harm squinted his eyes against the light being shone into their hole. Swiftly, he got to his feet and jumped over the 'wall' that was still separating him and Mac. To the side he saw Jimmy's lifeless body and then focused his attention to the still figure in Marine greens.

He gasped as he saw her face looking so ashen. Her eyes were closed, head tilted just slightly to the side as if she were watching where their hands were entwined together. Getting to his knees, he removed his blouse, wrapped it up into a ball and pressed it to Mac's side as an attempt to stop the bleeding. Not knowing the extent of the damage, he didn't dare try to remove the metal rod impaling her. Instead, he checked for a pulse and found it non existent. "The Colonel isn't breathing!" He yelled as loud as he could and heard the Corporal call for a Corpsman. He opened up her jacket and used his hands to find the area he needed to start chest compressions. Taking a deep breath, Harm moved his head close to Mac's, pinching her nose in order to breath into her mouth.

Then he began the chest compressions again, hoping that it wouldn't cause her anymore injuries. "Sarah. . . Sarah, I am begging you to hold on, please. . . we had a promise. . . remember? To have a baby. . . Damnit Sarah, you have to keep that promise. . . You have to. . . PLEASE." Though tears, he breathed into her again as the Corporal and a few other man came into the space they were in. "Please. . ." He begged them, his eyes flashing a concern that went past that of just a friend or a colleague.

Two of the men helped Harm out of the rubble as the other stayed behind to start working on Mac. Harm tried to fight them so he could be near them, but they pushed him back and away. "You'll be in the way, sir." One of the men practically ordered Harm who stood by helplessly.


	4. Chapter 4

PART 5

Harm sat in the waiting room staring into a cold cup of coffee, his fifth cup since he arrived at the hospital. On the trip over, Mac had flat lined twice and he watched in horror as they fought to bring her back. Now, it was a waiting game to see if they could dislodge the piece of metal without doing anymore damage. That was nearly an hour ago and he couldn't get any tangible information from anyone. He hated that it wasn't a military hospital where he could order people into giving him information.

His uniform had been so covered in Mac's blood that the hospital had given him a clean change of clothes as well as a shower. His uniform he tossed away not even caring anymore about his medals or gold wings. Somehow, not even flying mattered anymore if Sarah died. His arms where bandaged from wrist to elbows because of the cuts from the debris. The one hand that wasn't holding the coffee, he kept opening and closing. She had held that had. . . he'd held her then, and also as they took her in the helo to the hospital. . . until they forced them apart, again. He wanted to go into the operating room, offered to put on scrubs, but the doctors denied him, so he waited.

He was the only one in the waiting room that night, sitting in the comfort of his loneliness. Sighing, he thought back to the first time he took her on his plane, she lost a lot of blood then as well. He saved her then, but not now. . . now there was nothing he could do and it was driving him crazy. Harm wasn't sure of a time when he had hurt more than he did then. Inside, he was sure that his heart was breaking. He felt a physical pain in the center of his chest which he rubbed lightly. There inside his shirt, against his heart was her dog tags. They had taken them off during the helo trip and Harm had slipped them around his neck with his own.

Pulling them out of the shirt, he glanced at the details that he knew by heart. Harm grinned, her birthday was coming up, he and the JAG crew had a plan to surprise her. She hated surprises, especially when it came to her birthday and he couldn't blame her. Her mother had left her during her 15th birthday. Ever since he found out that bit about Mac, he'd spent every year trying to make the day pleasant for her. This year, though, he was planning a big bash and the whole JAG crew was in on it. He even had her present bought, it was something that he had found on a trip he'd taken a few weeks prior to Naples, when a client of his was in need of a lawyer. Harm didn't know why he bought them, he wasn't her boyfriend and it wasn't a gift that a male friend would give a female friend just for the hell of it. "Commander?" Harm was brought out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. Looking up, he saw it's owner. "Harriet? What are you doing here?"

Harriet offered a half smile and brought him close for a hug, when he stood up to great her. "I thought you could use a friend." After separating, she sat in the vacant chair next to his and rubbed his back soothingly. She'd never seen him that badly broken down. "Any news?"

Harm shook his head and sighed. "Nothing for about the last hour and a half." Looking at the doors that lead to the operation room he frowned and swallowed down the urge to burst in there, demanding explanations. Instead, he turned his attention to his friend. "What are you doing down here? Is Bud with you?"

"No, Bud is still at JAG Ops. Whenever time permits I head down here to attend the grief meetings like I used to when I lost baby Sarah." Harriet said, clearly still hurt by the loss of her baby. "They wanted me to speak at this afternoon's meeting. . . I guess a few of the women there are afraid of trying for another one." With a small smile, she rubbed her belly which was showing signs of the twins she was carrying.

Harm chuckled. "You and Bud have a small soccer team." They shared a laugh which was able to lighten Harm's spirits. Until one of the doctors came out of the doors. Harm stood up and then sat back down when the doctor headed down the hallway, away from the waiting area. "This waiting, it's killing me." Turning to Harriet he offered as best of a smile as he could. "Thank you for coming, Harriet. . . it means a lot to me. . . and it will mean a lot to Mac." He wasn't cold, but his body started shaking. It happened earlier in that hour, when he was sitting there alone with his thoughts. He didn't want to cry in front of Harriet, but, it was no use. The began again and he couldn't hold them back it only made the pain in his chest worse. "I'm sorry." He told her, as he tried to wipe the tears away.

"It's okay to cry, Harm." Harriet said softly as she pulled him to her. She felt his head on her shoulder and the tears wetting the blouse that she was wearing. "Just have faith."

"If I lose her, that is the last thing I am going to have Harriet." He said between choked sobs. "I've lost people, too many to count but I've never felt this way before. . .It's like my heart is breaking."

Harriet rocked him as she would one of her children. She held on for him, trying to be strong for the man that she had never seen fall apart like that. He wasn't a man to just break down, his emotions were always in check and guarded. Now, it didn't make a difference anymore.

"How is she?" Looking up Harriet saw Sturgis, Bud, Jen and AJ standing just a few feet from them.

"Admiral." Immediately, Harm wiped at his tears and attempted to stand at attention, which AJ waved off.

AJ would have chuckled had the situation been different. "Retired, son. . . The name's AJ."

Harm nodded and stood up anyway to take the hand that AJ had extended. "We miss you around the officer, sir. . .Uh, AJ." With a half grin he recovered then nodded at Sturgis. "What are you doing here?"

Sturgis shrugged. "Closed up shop earlier today. I thought we should be here with you."

"Mr. Rabb?" The doctor, a tall skinny man called as he stepped into the waiting room and saw the group of military officers that wasn't there earlier. "Hello, may I have a word with you?"

Harm walked out of the waiting area with the doctor in tow and stood in the middle of the hallway. "How is she?"

"That is what I wanted to talk to you about, privately." Taking a deep breath the doctor looked towards the door where a nurse was standing in wait for him to rejoin the surgical team. "We are still having trouble removing that metal rod and she's lost a lot of blood. . . She's in critical condition. . . if she crashes on us one more time, I don't think she'll make it."

PART 6

Critical condition. The words hit Harm almost like a freight train that was aimed right at him. "Can I see her?"

Dr. Taylor stared up at Harm. He knew that look from the hundreds of others that stayed there, waiting for their loved one. Cept, this wasn't just anyone, he was a military officer, people that were trained to keep emotions in check. He didn't know what it was but something compelled him to let him see Mac. "Okay, but only for a couple of minutes."

One of the nurses helped Harm slip on a mask and a rag over his head. He was let into the surgical room where Mac's body lay. She was breathing, he could tell by the rise and fall of the chest and the sound of a machine keeping the rhythm of her heart. The doctor cleared the room, allowing him a few moments. His hand wrapped around one of hers, careful not the pull out the IV or any other contraption that was attached Mac. She looked so small laying on that bed. Harm had never thought of her as being fragile until now, the idea brining a fresh batch of tears to his eyes. "You know, you should wake up so you can rag on my crying like a baby, Marine." He laughed despite himself. "You're the only woman except for my mom and grams that has seen me cry. . . a few times too. ." He thought with a sigh. "Like Russia, when I found out about dad." Swallowing down the lump at his throat, Harm brought a hand up to brush away one tear. ". . . You weren't the only one crying when I left to fly, Sarah. . . I, I didn't cry in front of you, but I did as I drove home. . . I didn't leave you then and I am not leaving you now. . . Just please. . . please hold on for me and for you. Because, you have a lot to live for. . .Chloe would never forgive you if you died. . .Neither would I." He stumbled over his words only because his emotions were out of control. He couldn't save her, it was all up to her now and that thought scared him because he hoped she knew that there were things to fight for. "I Love you, Sarah. . .please remember that."

"Commander. . ." Dr. Taylor tapped him on the shoulder. "You have to leave now. . . We need to finish."

Harm nodded then raised Mac's hand up. He kissed the back of it, then gave her one last look before leaving. "Please, Sarah." He whispered as he headed out of the operating room and to his friends.

Somehow he wound up sitting between Jen and Harriet who were each trying to soothe his pains. It wasn't really working, but at least he felt better that he didn't have to be alone through all of this. "Thank you guys, for being here."

"We wouldn't be anywhere else, Harm." Sturgis said, taking a sip out of his coffee cup. Sighing, he looked at the time and then stood up and stretched. "How was she went you went in there?"

Harm shook his head, there wasn't much words to describe it. "Pale. . . she wasn't conscious and had some tubie thingies connected to her." He motioned to his hands and chest then frowned. "I think it was worse seeing her in the rubble."

AJ looked at Harm. He knew there had been some sort of mishap, but no one exactly clarified what happened. "What exactly happened, Harm?"

"We went to see if we can dig up more information on a case we were prosecuting." He said with a wince. All he could remember was the drive down to Norfolk and all of the argument they were having. "This kid, a Petty Officer swore up and down he didn't have anything to do with a murder. . . He was hitting on Mac, and I got a bit angry that he wasn't respecting her as an officer. . ." It was his fault, or so Harm thought. If he hadn't been so testy with Jimmy, then Mac would have been fine. Maybe he would have even been able to take the detonator away. "He got this really crazy look in his eyes. . . And I got angry, pinned him to the wall. . .then he just took out a detonator and Mac tried to take it away, but it didn't work and he blew up the BEQ."

"Was there anyone else injured, sir?" Coates asked with a voice laced with concern.

Harm shook his head. "Every one else was taken out with some minor injuries. . . Mac was the worst. . . Well, Petty Officer Daniels was the worst. . . he died." Biting his lower lip, Harm went over the conversation he and Mac shared under the rubble. 'I love you, I've been in love with you so long I don't remember when I fell.' Her words haunted him.

Had he always been that oblivious to her? Sure, he knew that she loved him in some fashion, but not that she was in love with him. That changed things dramatically, because it meant that he didn't have to hide anymore. After Sydney, after Mic left and definitely after Paraguay, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. He figured he blew all his chances with her before and they were all his fault. At Sydney harbor he pushed her away. When Mic left, he did too, but because he had an obligation to his girlfriend. Paraguay, he didn't fight her for it. But, would it have mattered if he did fight? Would she have still gone to another man?

Standing, he walked to one of the large windows in the waiting room and looked out. I was raining, a sign, he had read once, of good luck. He snorted that thought aside. 'I love you, I've been in love with you so long I don't remember when I fell.' Harm thought about that over and over. When did he fall for her? He figured it was probably years ago, which would be why he would always get a funny feeling around Mac. Thing is, he didn't notice how much he felt until the Admiral had told him that she was on a CIA mission and was missing. That's when the nightmares began and the haunting feeling that he had to be there to save her, which he did. And, regardless of how things would have ended up, he'd have saved her all over again. But, when he should have stated his intentions to her, Harm froze.

Sturgis stood next to Harm and looked out of the window. "You're blaming yourself?" He knew his friend too well. Harm was the type that would blame himself for things he wasn't even directly involved with. "You couldn't do anything, Harm."

"Couldn't I?" Harm glared at his friend. "If I wasn't playing the jealous Neanderthal maybe we could have calmed that guy down."

"You said it, Harm. . . MAYBE." Sturgis patted Harm on the back and held on to his shoulder for a brief moment. "If this guy was as crazy as you suggested, he would have done it anyway."

"It won't matter anymore if she dies, will it?" Harm watched the lightening show and sighed. "We were fighting today."

Sturgis chuckled. "Tell me something new."

Harm just shook his head in disgust. "I mean I threw some low blows."

"And she'll forgive you. . ."

"I tried to tell her what I felt. . ." He said as he closed his eyes tightly. "I am just not sure she heard me."

Sturgis watched his friend trying to fight emotions that he knew Harm wasn't good at expressing. "She knows, Harm. . ."

Another hour passed by before Dr. Taylor made it out of the OR and directly to the group in the waiting area. Those sitting down stood and waited patiently while the doctor's frown broke into a smile. "Ms. MacKenzie put up a great battle. . . and she came through it fine."

Harm let out the breath he had been holding. "When can we see her?"

"In a few minutes, I'll give you the room number. I am sure I don't have to ask, but please do not agitate her. . . the drugs have her groggy and she needs all of the rest that she can get."

The group, Mac's surrogate family, rallied around Harm as they all shared laughs and tears that their friend was still alive.


	5. Chapter 5

PART 7

FOUR WEEKS LATER

"Will you stop fussing over me." Mac snapped with a chuckle. Harm had been driving her absolutely bonkers. "We're going up an elevator, I happen to think that even with broken ribs I can use an elevator." She faked anger and pointed at him. "Which, I might add, the doctor said are healing wonderfully."

Harm smirked. His Marine had been a terror at both Bethesda and the hospital she had been at down in Norfolk. He'd used her medical power of attorney in order to stay with her at night. Even though she swore she didn't need a baby sitter, Mac rather liked having Harm around. Sometimes, when he was able to take a longer lunch break, he would sneak in her favorites from Beltway Burgers with a crack about her dead cow obsession. "Here we are." He said, opening the gates of the elevator in his building. He held the gates back as Mac stepped out slowly, her ribs were still sore. The scar sustained from the injury on her side, was healing nicely and due to a new cream, the scar was vanishing. She had a couple of weeks of downtime left before she went up to the review board to be reinstated to her duties.

Entering his apartment, Mac immediately went for the switch that was right by the door. She clicked it a few times and frowned. "Uh, Harm. . . Your power is out."

Harm went into the apartment, disappearing in the darkness. "Gimme a second, Marine."

"Okay. . ." Mac paused for exactly one second before exclaiming. "ONE. . . That's it time's up." She laughed at her own joke, but the laughter died when she glanced over at Harm's table which was now completely lit only by candle light. "Harm?"

"Right here." He said, as he lit a few other candles on the kitchen island before hitting the remote to illicit soft jazzy sounds from his stereo. "This way ma'am." He offered her the crook of his arm which she took with a grin as he led her towards the dinning table.

Harm was the perfect gentleman, pulling out the chair for her, serving her the shrimp fettuccini that he had created. The chatted about nothing and everything during dinner. Afterwards, Harm put on the coffee and brought out a batch of brownies that he'd made just for her. Smirking he watched as she licked some chocolate frosting off of her fingers. "I surprised you during your birthday, didn't I?"

Mac chuckled at the memory. Her birthday had fallen on the same day that she was let out of Bethesda. Harm had picked her up and taken her to his apartment where the whole JAG crew waited. It was a sweet occasion, one that she wished that she was in a better condition for, but non-the-less she had fun with her co-worker's antics. "Yep, you outdid yourself that time. . . especially when you started crooning Hotel California with that guitar of yours."

"Hah. I wasn't the one that butchered the song." He said with a grin.

Mac just laughed. "No, it was Sturgis who was singing the wrong verses. . ." Tilting her head slightly she looked at him. "Did I thank you for that?"

Harm pretended to be lost in thought, before his famous flyboy smile appeared. "Only about thirty times."

"Well, here's thirty one. . . thank you." She gave him one of those irresistible Mac smiles, that was so infectious he smiled himself.

They sat there, smiling at each other in a companionable silence. The brightness of the candlelight illuminated Harm's eyes and Mac was drowning in them as she had so many times before. Harm was so mesmerized by the silent conversation that they were having, that he'd forgotten there had been a point in bringing up her birthday. "I ah. . .be right back." Stumbling into his bedroom, Harm went for the top drawer of his nightstand, where he pulled out a long velvet box. He opened it up, checked it's contents were still there and then heaved a sigh before he went back to Mac. "This is for you." He said, laying the box on the table in front of her.

Mac creased her brow and stared at the box. "What is it?" She looked up to him for an answer, but when she saw he couldn't supply one, she opened it up slowly. Inside was a simple white gold necklace to where a white gold ring was chained to. The ring, she noticed had a pair of hands holding a heart which had the design of a crown above it. She looked up at him curiously.

"I saw that chain when I was in Naples. . . I wanted to get it for you for your birthday but I didn't fine any cool charm to get for it." He explained as he watched her taking out the necklace and glancing at the ring that was dangling from it. "That ring, I have the other half of." Reaching into his shirt pocket, Harm produced a similar ring and placed it on the table near Mac. "I've had them for a while, I just never thought it was the right time." He confessed with a smirk.

She took his ring and compared it to the one on the necklace. The details on the ring were simple but beautiful. She had seen the ring before, but never gave any thought as to what the symbols meant. "It's a Claddagh, right?"

With a smile, Harm nodded. He took his ring and pointed to each object. "There many different legends about it, but the most common is that the hands represent Friendship and faith. The crown represent Loyalty and fidelity and the heart represents. . .Love." His voice nearly cracked as he said the elusive 'l' word.

Mac wasn't offended, she just smiled at him. Harm could be so damned cute sometimes. "Friendship, loyalty and love, huh?" She tilted her head to the side and smirked. Harm was squirming.

"Yea." His voice was down to a whisper now, but he recovered nicely as he continued the story. "It also has different meanings if you wear it different ways. For instance, if you if you wear it with the heart facing outwards, it means your heart is available. . ." His eyes moved from the ring to Mac's eyes. "But if you wear it with the heart facing inward. . . it means your heart already belongs to someone."

"I see." Mac opened the catch of the necklace and slid the ring out. Harm watched curiously as she took the ring and placed it in his hand. "I guess you better slip it on my finger with the heart facing inwards." Her heart skipped a beat as he gingerly took her hand and slipped the ring on with the heart facing inward.

Harm took a breath before he said the words he'd read online when he was researching the rings. "With these hands, I give you my heart and crown it with my love." Mac wiped a tear as he said the sentence and then kissed the finger where the ring rested. He gave her a cheesy grin, which she had to laugh at. Yep, Harm was just too damned cute for words.

Taking the ring from the table, she took his hand and slipped on his ring with the heart facing inward and repeated. "With these hands I give you my heart and crown it with my love."

Harm took that moment to wrap his hand around hers and pull her close to him. "I love you, Sarah." He said, as his lips descended on hers for their first real kiss.

Mac deepened the kiss before breaking off to gaze lovingly in his eyes. "I love you too, Harm."

Standing, Harm reached his hand out to Mac and tugged her towards the sofa where they sat curled up together. He thought of himself as lucky to finally be able to tell her what he felt and vowed never again to wait until it was almost too late.

THE END.


End file.
